Why We’re Choosing Private Adoption Over Foster-to-Adopt

As we’ve shared more about our adoption journey, one of the most common questions we’ve received is: “Why not foster-to-adopt?”

It’s a great question—and one we spent a lot of time thinking about, researching, and discussing before making our decision.

First, we want to say how much respect we have for foster families. The work they do is incredibly important. Foster parents step in during some of the most difficult moments in a child’s life, offering stability, care, and love when it’s needed most. It’s a path that requires immense strength and selflessness.

For us, though, we had to be honest about what we are emotionally prepared for.

The primary goal of foster care is reunification. In fact, more than 90% of children in foster care are not available for adoption—they are placed with families temporarily while efforts are made to reunite them with their biological families. And that’s a beautiful and important goal.

But it also means that foster parents often open their homes and hearts to children knowing they may one day have to say goodbye.

As much as we admire that, we also know ourselves. We know that the emotional weight of loving a child as our own and then having them leave—possibly more than once—is something we are not equipped to handle. The thought of experiencing that kind of repeated heartbreak, while still trying to show up fully for each child, feels overwhelming for us.

We have so much respect for those who can walk that path. It’s just not the right one for our family.

Private adoption allows us to pursue what we’ve always envisioned: growing our family in a more permanent way from the beginning. It gives us the opportunity to prepare to welcome a child into our home with the intention of becoming their forever family.

This decision wasn’t made lightly. It came after many conversations, a lot of reflection, and a deep desire to choose the path where we can show up as our best, most grounded selves as parents.

At the end of the day, every path to building a family is different. This is the one that feels right for us.

If you’ve been following along and feel connected to our journey, we’re so grateful. And if you feel moved to support us—whether by sharing our story or contributing to our adoption fund—it truly means the world to us and brings us one step closer to welcoming our child home.